The Silence Behind Saying “I’m Great”

  Not even 6 months ago, I loved the idea of going to a consignment sale, yard sale, or browsing the baby sections of the store.  My husband and I had  an agreement no matter how cute the item or clothing was, we wouldn't buy it unless it was gender neutral.  I used to enjoy the hunt. I'd easily spend the longest time sifting through piles or racks of clothing, looking for the perfect gender-neutral items.  This weekend I went to one of the biggest consignment sales in the area. I browsed for my girls and then went to walk about the baby gear, bouncers, swings, and strollers.  There were swaddles, carriers, and blankets, everything a mother could want for her baby.   I found myself quickly gravitating to the more "boy" colored or themed items. Trucks, monsters, dinosaurs.  I had to remind myself of my rule, but it was so hard to do because I was supposed to be in the home stretch of welcoming my son into the world. I was supposed to be in my 3rd t...

 September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. I really struggled with if and when id post this. To let my walls down and let others in. The only people who have ever read or heard this are my therapist and me.  Why post it if you aren't suicidal anymore? Are you looking for attention?  No, I'm not looking for any type of personal gain or attention. However, my heart truly does long to bring attention to the stigma around mental health and suicidal ideation.  Something I learned during those 15 days I was struggling is that the bystander effect is so real, and it's literally killing people. No one did anything because “surely someone else will.” I by no means was quiet about my struggles. I called, Texed, Posted, went to a mental health hospital, called a hotline, showed up in an ER, and kept getting dismissed because I kept saying, "I don't want to die." I didn't, but I was standing nose to nose with death for so long that I knew if something didn'...