Gone

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June 5th, 2022 

I'll never forget this day; it was one of the hardest days since my loss; it was the day my pregnancy was officially over. My body had stopped producing the HGC hormones, and they had finally left my system for good. 


 “HGC is >5, which is considered to be zero”

Those words were attached to the final result of the final blood draw from my loss that morning In my "My Chart" account.
I have one good vein. Everyone can hit it, the other ones hide deep in my body, and just like me, this vein was tired.
Tired of being drained of the life that runs through it.
Tired of being stabbed with sharp objects it can’t control.
Tired of being sucked dry.
Raw.
It had been 5 weeks, and 2 days for the entire world, except for me, it had been just a few hours.
My pregnancy was officially over; the baby was gone, the hormones were gone, and the life I wanted to have with them was never to be known.
There is so much pain that continues to dwell here, though. So many tears are still to be shed, thoughts, emotions, and anger to be unpacked.
But there will be healing. One day the pain won’t be as heavy as it is today.
This day though, it was heavy. My heart was heavy, and my soul breaking. Each and every day, I have to make a choice to fight against the pain. It seems to be a losing battle lately.
I ask that you join me in the fight. I know it’s uncomfortable here. Trust me. I KNOW. But, abandoning me in the middle of the storm could be catastrophic.
Sometimes you have to run into the storm of those you love to stop it.



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