Death Before Life
Yesterday should have been your “due date” it’s just now 2 years later, you should be here and turning 2 this Christmas. I should be filling your stocking and wrapping your birthday gifts. But I’m not. I don’t even really know how to “celebrate” this day, because it’s another day on the calendar, of a day that never came. It’s not the day you came, it’s not the day you died, it’s the day I had my D&C. It’s just a day. A really heavy, really sad, really hard day. Every. Single. Time. It. Passes. I don’t know why it feels so raw to admit that I still wonder who you would have been. What you’d look like, your personality. How do you rejoice on a day that should have been special when the joy has been removed by death? We tried for SO long to get pregnant with you, and in a flash you were gone. The trivial, and painful question of “Why?” Often echoes in my mind, on days like this, but I know that even if I had an answer it wouldn’...